You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
