You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
