Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
