conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize