Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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