i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
