Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.