So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
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We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.