What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....