I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
