My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
