Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
