So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
