OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
