i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize