Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
