I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
