WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
