ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
