when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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