toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
