My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
