tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
