I seem to have left my pride at pride
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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