there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
