i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
