Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
