We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize