Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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