I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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