We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
