She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
