He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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