just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
