I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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