Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize