Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
