Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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