Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
