I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
