waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
