I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
