All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
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Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Im part way to drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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