life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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