if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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