My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
