i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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