I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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