i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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