I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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