I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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