he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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