we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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