If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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