im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
