My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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