walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
