So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
