I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
