sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Couch. On fire.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
